TRIGGER WARNING: Explicit language and talks of wounds. Reader discretion is advised!
"Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must;
just never give up." - Dean Karnazes
Song Recommendation Based On Blog
Post:
Never Give Up ~ Sia
Talking To The Universe
Okay, just keep going. One foot in front of the other, she kept thinking
to herself as her legs were aching and sweat was dripping down her back. Come
on, this isn't difficult, keep going.
Her legs were practically begging her to stop for just a minute, to give them
some relief and rest before she carried on walking again. But she was adamant
to prove the signals that her body was sending her wrong (word of wisdom: always
listen to your body). She could do this, she didn't need a break from
simply walking into town, she used to do this all of the time for God's sake!
She huffed out a breath. Keep. Moving! She carried on drilling into her
brain.
She approached a bench and even she had to admit to herself the appeal of being
able to sit down and rest for a minute. Before she even made a conscious
decision, her hurting legs carried her over to sit down.
Nearly falling onto the seat, her legs throbbed in a painful appreciation for
getting a break. She shook them out to help ease the pain in her muscles.
"This is ridiculous," she angrily mumbled out loud to herself,
forgetting where she was and taking a look around to make sure no one had heard
her complain to herself. She was in the clear, there was a couple walking
further down the road from her but were too far away to be able to have heard
her. The main street was still a way ahead of her, she could see the traffic of
people walking around. There was no one else there, well, besides the one being
that never seemed to be too far when she needed them. Even when, like now, she
was so annoyed with everything and anything, that their presence didn't exactly
put her at ease.
"What's happened?" They asked, concerned, approaching where she was
sitting.
She just scowled at them.
"Are you okay?" They continued to ask, standing next to her.
She looked away, in the opposite direction of them, hoping they'd get the
message to leave her alone. They weren't stupid, they caught on but still
didn't leave.
"I know you can hear me," they said, raising an eyebrow at her.
She simply huffed in annoyance and pulled out her phone, typing a message about
how she can't talk to them out loud otherwise people would think she'd lost it.
She glanced at them and then made a slight pointed look at her phone screen,
indicating that she wanted them to look at her phone and read what was on her
screen.
They caught on to what she was hinting at and leant over to read her message.
"I think your Mum would argue that you've already "lost it"
" they jokingly quipped, smiling, hoping to ease the tension that was
coming from her.
She sent them another scowl and put her phone to her ear.
"Now what are you doing? Did I miss something?" They questioned,
throwing their arms out, looking around lost.
"Hey you!" She said into her phone. "I thought I'd call you, you
know, so it doesn't look like I'm completely alone and just started talking to
myself." She looked over at them, trying to get them to understand who she
was really talking to.
"Oh, I get it!" They gratefully caught on, sitting down next to her.
She rolled her eyes, the pain, and annoyance with herself, still running
through her.
They waited for her to say something, not wanting to push her and make her
angrier.
"I'm really hurting . . . I'm in so much pain, I don't know if I can do
this," she said quietly, looking down at her lap.
They looked up the road to where the shops were and turned back to her,
"You're so close though, you're nearly there!"
"I don't care," she shrugged her shoulders, her eyes not moving from
her lap.
"Why am I here then?" They said sarcastically, their brows
slightly furrowed. "If you don't care, then you don't need me, and I could
be putting my feet up . . . Well at least metaphorically!"
She heavily sighed in response, phone still pressed to her ear and reluctantly
said, "Maybe it's not about the pain itself."
They looked at her like she had just said something really obvious. Of course
what's bothering her isn't the pain from walking!
"I thought I was doing better, that I was getting better but
obviously not," she looked up and slouched down, close to tears.
"How do you figure?" They asked her.
"I used to be able to do this," she gestured at the street in
front of her, "Without a second thought. I could go out to the shops, go
for a walk, run errands but now I'm sat on this bench feeling like I'm stuck
here, like I can't move . . ."
She took a shaky breath in.
They looked over at her with sympathy.
"You do realise that only a couple of years ago you couldn't even leave
your home and were struggling to walk around inside, let alone go
outside. You used to imagine what it would be like to go out again and walk
around. And now you're here. You did it! You made it! Yes, you're in a lot of
pain and that does suck but you're here," they tried to reassure her.
"I thought that since my mental health has been getting a little bit
better, I would be able to do this!" She exclaimed, frustrated. "I
thought I could get back on top of the other parts of my health that were forgotten
about but I can't even go the shops without having to stop to take a break! Or
be in complete pain! I thought I would be able to do this but apparently not,
my body is just giving up," she sadly said.
"You're pulling assumptions out of something completely different to
what's going on. Firstly, your body is not giving up. In fact, it's
doing the exact opposite, it's continuing to move, to live, to be again
after so many years spent locked down. Your body needs time to get itself back
up to where it's meant to be, it's been shut down and now it's realising that
it's slowly coming out of that and being used again. You are doing
better with your physical health because you're actually able to come out here,
to go to the shops. There used to be a time when you would only be able to look
out the window and watch others go about their day and now you're here going
about your day! You're not giving yourself enough credit for that!"
They paused to let what they said sink in before continuing on to their main
point.
"Also, what's really going on is that 'mentally doing better',
sadly doesn't mean it changes how you're doing physically at the same time.
Your mental health and your physical health work together and coincide, yes.
Everyone always talks about the hormones that physical activity produces and
how they have a beneficial impact on your mental health, that's always being
talked about, and shared somewhat non-solicited at times, but what's not talked
about, what's just as important to know, is the impact your mental
health has on your physical health."
"What? When you feel too low and don't have the energy to exercise?"
She confusedly suggested.
"No. Well, yes . . . That's one part of it," they waved their hand,
carrying on. "But what I'm talking about is the impact that's had when
your mental health has taken such a toll on you, that your physical health
suffers from it as well! When one part of your life requires more attention
than the rest, things can and do get pushed aside, both consciously and
subconsciously. You were made to choose to pay more attention to your mental
health, to fight your inner demons and to make it through each day, feeling
like you're barely doing that, so you forgot about the other parts of
your health: having a balanced diet, rest, exercise. But it was also chosen
subconsciously for you by all your energy needing to be focused on surviving
and fighting the voices in your head which takes so much energy and strength
from you, that once that battle has been dealt with, for that day,
you're too drained and tired to do anything else that's expected. So your body,
and you need to sleep and rest, to recuperate, and to eat any food that's
easily and quickly attainable, that fits into what you're capable of getting in
that moment. And if you're struggling, and tired, and don't have the mental or
physical willpower to deal with preparing and having a full, proper meal, you
reach for whatever you can. And sometimes those things aren't always what's
best for you. But when you fight day in and day out, it turns into a habit,
that's okay, you were trying to fight your own mind and live your life, don't
beat yourself up for that. What was important at that time was that you were
fed and had something to drink, no matter what. Your body may not have sent you
many, if any, signals about the lack of nutrition and movement because it was also
tired and depleted too after a long fight so it was happy to be fed whatever
you could give it. Your body decided not to put up much of a fuss by taking a
back seat due to knowing the more pressing situations that were being dealt
with. But now? You're in a place where you have the energy and capacity
to look after yourself, besides just your mental health, that how badly your
body was affected by the battles fought have been revealed. . . And it's
depleted. It needs to be built up again. It's time to look after and better it."
"So how do I start?" She asked them. "I thought I was through
having to fight the pain caused by my health. How do I start on this
journey?"
They softly smiled at her, "You just do . . . Well, actually, you already
did start," they sat up straighter and gestured around them. "You're
already out here, walking, moving your body! That's the first step and
it's done. You're on your way!"
She adjusted the position she was in, "I'm not gunna lie, I'm a bit scared
of having to start this next part of my healing."
"Don’t forget, balance and moderation is the key but also . . . . Every
step you take is one step closer to you feeling, doing, and moving better.
You're not starting from the bottom, you're starting to work on a completely
new thing on top of the battle and wins you've already accomplished
before. You're already way off the ground but you don't recognise that. You
only see what you can't do, what you're struggling with, not
everything you've already overcome to be able to face these specific hurdles
right here, right now," they said to her, hoping to boost her morale.
"And no, we're not going to start singing, "Right Here, Right
Now" from High School Musical 3," they interjected and
rolled their eyes before she could say anything.
She shrugged and laughed, "It would be fun though."
They ignored her and she smiled at their annoyance of her.
She sat up straight, regaining herself and admitted, "It's going to hurt
like hell."
"Doesn't it always?" They responded.
They both laughed.
"What do you think?" They wondered, curious to see how she would
tackle this.
A look of determination began to build in her eyes, "I'll do what I always
do, I'll keep fighting. I know that the best way for me to work on my body is
to do exercise that I actually enjoy! Not doing stuff I hate because
it's what's expected. If I don't enjoy the type of work out that I'm doing,
then I'm going to struggle with it and it's going to make it twice as more
difficult for me to do. If I want to actually feel good, then I need to feel
good enjoying the exercise." A thoughtful look came over her face.
"It's just going to be difficult to make accommodations for my needs when
it comes to being able to exercise."
They nodded, "Remember, any movement is better than no
movement. On days when you have low energy, but you still want to do something,
put some music on and dance around to it! It's still moving your body and doing
more than what you were able to do in the past."
She slowly nodded, "It's like you said, moderation is key to this. I need
to fit it into my routines and what works best for me so I don't get
overwhelmed."
They smiled at her and sat together in thoughtful silence.
"You know what? I'm gunna keep going. I'll make a plan on getting myself
to a better place physically as well as mentally . . . I think I've got a few
tricks up my sleeves," she laughed.
"Thanks goodness for that," they pointed at the phone by her ear,
"Otherwise any longer discussing this, this would've been an expensive
"phone call"," they joked.
She smiled whist shaking her head, hanging up the phone.
She stood up, ready to take the new step.
©️ Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?, 2024, all rights reserved.
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I've learnt many things since my life got taken over by OCD, how to love, care,
and look after myself, allowing myself to rest, etc. But one of the most recent
things, that's really hit me, that I've learnt is how much our bodies and our
mental state genuinely intertwine with one another. And I know, I know, you've
heard it all before about how "exercise improves mental health," and
whichever hormone links in with whatever exercise and how that doodle-jumps
your brain etc. etc. 😂
But what about the reverse? How much your mental health affects your physical
health?! And I don't just mean not having the energy or motivation, or even
the energy to motivate yourself to exercise when your mental health is
kicking the c**p out of you, I mean, when your mental health is so bad
and has been bad for a long amount of time and the effect that
has on your body and physical health! I never thought much of it before, yeah I
understand how they can all impact one another but never just how much your
physical body takes a hit when your mental health does too. And that
journey? That journey that I've both found and put myself on, wow, is it
something else entirely! 🤯
As you may know, I've struggled immensely with severe Obsessive Compulsive
Disorder (OCD) for the past 4 years and in that time my life got torn apart. I
wasn't a person, I was just a robot doing what was told of me by the OCD. I
couldn't do anything, I couldn't go outside, I couldn't walk around my flat,
cook, breathe even (and no, that's not an exaggeration 😳)! All that time,
I never thought about my physical health, I was never given the time or mental
capacity to do so! But now I'm in recovery, I'm trying to get my life back and
to feel better, that part of my health, my physical health, is no longer
shut off due to me not being mentally, or physically, able to comprehend and
think about it. And my God, is it scary to see how much of myself physically
deteriorated due to my mental illness. Don't get me wrong, I knew that I wasn't
doing well and that I was being physically affected by the OCD what with the
sore and raw wounds on my hands and arms from all of the washing, not being
able to touch or get to food and drink or make fresh food so my nutrition went
downhill (and that is probably putting it politely 😂), and not being
able to exercise as I couldn't leave the building. But now that I'm in a better
place, I'm recovering and looking after all of myself, physically,
mentally, and emotionally (basically, if it's a part of me it's being healed! 😂). Why does no
one talk more about this because it's completely life changing not just for
those who are struggling but also for educational and general knowledge
purposes!
The impact our mental health can have on our physical is something that needs
to be talked about more. It's something that I'm happily working on now, I'm
eating better, exercising more, but also loving myself through the process and
reminding myself that I'm not to blame for what's happened to me mentally or
physically.
Throughout my recovery, I've been really learning to love myself, not just with
my mental self but with my body also. I talk more about this in my Valentine's
post, "The Unloved Love Letter" and going on this journey . . . You
know what? I'm going to call it a "quest," makes it sound more fun! 😂 Since going on
this quest, I've really had to take a look at how I see and talk to
myself when it comes to my body because it's something that I've struggled with
all my life. I’ve never liked my body, I've always hated it, it was never what
I wanted. But I'm learning that that talk, hasn't gotten me anywhere,
hating on my body and constantly putting it and myself down hasn't helped me in
the slightest and won't help me heal from what I've been through. I'm learning
to love my body as it is, it's done an amazing job on surviving and getting me
through the most darkest times of my life despite the lack of care it got. 💜
If you're struggling and trying to also get yourself in a better place
physically (or even mentally, or emotionally etc.) remember, you want to just
go, go, go, but you haven't gone, gone, gone, in a long, long time so go easy
and build yourself up to it! Don't be tricked by what you think you should be
doing or memories of how you used to be able to do it. You can't hate yourself
into doing or feeling better, you need to learn to love and accept yourself in
your current self, then grow and get better. It might be hard and scary but
you're capable of handling it and growing! Don't forget to give yourself the
well earned credit that you deserve! 💜
Don't compare yourself to others - they didn't have to go through what you've
gone through, they had other priorities (like you do)! 🫂💜
(Ooooh something exciting to mention: I'm going to get more into this
topic in another blog post as it's a lesson that's really helped me make a
change in my recovery and healing, and I would really like to share it! 💜)
Mental IS Physical, there's no way around it. Learning how our mental and
physical health intertwine with one another is something that's important to
know so we know how to look after ourselves. Whether you dance, do yoga, go to
the gym, walk, run, or run around after your family, any movement is better
than no movement. Find ways that add movement and exercise that you enjoy
in your life and allow it to help you feel less like, "Hey Universe, Did
You Forget About Me?"
Thank you for reading! 💜
Please feel free to comment, share, and follow me on my socials below! 💜🌌
It's still Pride Month so Happy Pride! 💜🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
All the best! 💜
Emily 🌌
FOLLOW ME ON:
Instagram: @heyuniverseblog
TikTok: @emily_heyuniverse
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