TRIGGER WARNING: Explicit language. Reader Discretion is advised.
"You live most of your life inside your head. Make sure
it's a nice place to be." - Unknown
Ok, so I've been badgering on about self love and self compassion for a while
now in previous posts so I thought that today's the day that I actually write a
post dedicated to it specifically! Not only to get it out of my system but to
also get the message out there! Fair warning, this post will probably be a bit
sappy but you know what? It's going to be great - let's get into it . . . 💜
Now, I don't know about you but self love was something I didn't really care
about or give much thought to when I was growing up. To me, that stuff was
"too girly" and something that I didn't really make time for, I'd
much rather be spending my time reading, or listening to music, and if I wasn't
doing that I was either at school or doing homework (life and soul of the party,
I was! 🤟😂).
See, I thought self love was only about loving and owning your body and
physical appearance. Now that I'm older and have a better understanding of it,
I know now that can be a part of showing yourself love but that it's
only a small part, there's so much more to it! But when I was younger, I
didn't know that and growing up as an overweight, small, nerdy, frizzy hair
tied in a plait girl, I didn't know how to love myself or even if I could
love myself. I've been bullied, laughed at, made fun of for how I looked and
how I was, what was there for me to love if it only provoked disgust or
amusement (and not in a good way) for others?
Now that I've grown up more, I have more life experiences and have actually had
the chance to sit and be with myself, to learn and understand who I am as an
individual - that's where the growth came along. Not only do I love who I am
physically, even if I don't fit the "typical" societal image of
beauty or even what my younger self classed as acceptable and beautiful, I am
beautiful because I just am and I say so. Also, not only is there so much more
to me (and you) than what I look like, my body is only a part of what makes me me,
my personality, goals, hopes, aspirations, likes, dislikes, passions, and so
much more is what makes me beautiful. My physical body is beautiful, not matter
what, but it's also beautiful because it houses the person that is me. 💜
Since loving and appreciating myself more, my confidence has
been so much higher! I’ve realised that the more you care and respect yourself,
the easier it is to notice and not allow relationships and connections in your
life if they bring you down or if you don’t feel as appreciated and respected
as you should in them. You learn to value yourself more when you start to love
yourself. It helps give you the confidence to stand up and say what you deserve
because you want what’s best for you. I really hope you’re able to experience
that too or have already been able to experience that. 💜
Sticking it out and realising what it means to care and love yourself, is
learning that there are so many parts to it. There's something for everyone to
be able to connect with and, hopefully, implement. Some of the things that have
really stood out for me and have changed my perspective on self love and
appreciation, that I've found and read online, is that one, you're all
that you've got in this world and in life, and I don't mean that in a
pessimistic way! When it comes down to it, you're the one that is still there
at the end of the day, you've got your own back whether you acknowledge and
appreciate it or not. The best thing that I've heard that beautifully sums it
up, is this audio on TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJb3oFqF/
. And don't worry, it's a completely safe link to click on, it'll just take you
to the audio! 💜
Despite having this audio saved for over a year now, I never really understood
it until recently, I would think, "Of course I'm the only one that's
always there for me, I'm not able to go and leave, but trust me, if I could, I
would." But now, since I actually started to allow myself to feel the pain
caused by my severe OCD, life, how I've been treated, things I've lost along
the way, including myself, I realised that even when no one else was there, for
one reason or another, or if they couldn't be there for me, I was.
That inner integral part of me that felt sorry for myself, the part of me that
wanted to fight and survive, no matter how bruised and beaten-down she was, the
part that feels, was there for me. That part which kept me
breathing, that kept trying every day, that held onto hope that life will be
better one day, I just needed to get there to see it. That was who was there
for me . . . I was there for me. Even with the people you can rely
on for anything and everything, you're still the one who'll be there at the end
of the day, keeping yourself company, no matter what. Love yourself for that,
appreciate yourself for that because you are your own best friend and comforter
if you allow yourself to be.
Another thing that has changed my outlook on self love and helped me to show it
to myself is the quote at the beginning, "You live most of your life
inside your head. Make sure it's a nice place to be." You need to
have a good mental state to be in and thrive in because you're with you for
your whole life, throughout all of the decisions you make, and paths you take,
the people you have in your life, and the people you don't, you're the one
constant and that's amazing and, in a way, loyal as heck! So make sure it's a
nice place to be, you deserve to feel comfortable, loved, and appreciated in
your own head! 💜
Another big mental shift for me when it came to self love was the idea that you've
tried beating yourself up and that hasn't gotten you anywhere so why not try
loving yourself instead? Or even just giving yourself the benefit of a
doubt that you're more deserving than what you may currently allow. Constantly
berating yourself, not caring about yourself, putting yourself down, where did
that really get you? Where did that get you emotionally? Lonely? Sad? Angry?
With everything and everyone, including yourself? You wouldn't (or shouldn't)
stay in a relationship, situation, or place that is toxic, negative, and unkind
so why would you allow yourself to stay in that type of place in your own mind?
I spent most of my life growing up, not caring and hating myself and, I'll tell
you this, it got me nowhere and it didn't benefit me in any way, shape, or
form. But you know what has made a change in my life and my self-esteem? Loving
and caring about myself. So give yourself a break and give yourself some love
because you deserve it! 💜
I know that people talk about loving yourself like it's easy to do but if
you've been telling yourself one thing for years, such as that you're not good
enough, then changing that narrative and believing in something else isn't
going to happen overnight. For me, it took a while, and even now I'm still
working on it and being consistent with how I treat and talk to myself. The big
thing is though is that no-one is going to hand you self love and compassion on
a plate, you have to give it to yourself, you have to work for it but once
you've got it, it's a game changer! Life is tough enough at times as it is
without you not loving or giving a damn about yourself!
There are going to be times when that self love wavers, though. Some days you
love yourself more than others but as long as you always respect yourself on
the days when that self love is limited, that’s what counts! It's completely
normal to feel like that and for it to change every now and again because life
isn't easy (an understatement 😂),
there's always something to complicate things so it's normal that some days you
can be more harsher on yourself than others. Remember that you loving and
taking care of yourself should always be one of your main priorities.
Self love can also really waver when you suffer from any form of mental health,
physical, emotional, and/or chronic conditions. They can have a really big
impact, that I know a lot about. The guilt, anxiety, numbness, and
complete pain that is felt by trying to survive and live with these conditions
whilst also wanting and trying to love and accept yourself can be really tough.
Just know, that you didn't ask to suffer from any of these conditions, and they
don't impact your worth or whether you should show yourself love or not. If
anything, you need to love yourself more because you're fighting and living
alongside things that most people don't whilst also doing what's
expected of you in life and yet you're still able to pull it all off one way or
another and that is downright impressive and amazing! Defend yourself and show
yourself compassion by not allowing yourself to be put down by yourself or
anyone else. You need love to keep going, it helps when it comes from others
and those around us, but sometimes it's the love for ourselves that makes the
difference and keeps that flame inside of us going for a bit longer.
You're self worth and your ability to love yourself comes from you, and you
alone, no matter what other people may think or say, their opinions aren't
important, what's important and what you should care about is what you
think about yourself. Don't listen to what other people might think or say,
whether it's about what you wear, how you act, what you like, don't like, as
long as you're not hurting yourself or others, or being rude or offensive and
it's not illegal, then you do you, live how you want to live! And if other
people do make you feel bad about yourself then remember that says more
about them then it does about you! If you're not doing anything wrong, then
they have nothing to complain about! I know that how we think we're perceived
by others and what others think about us can weigh in on our self talk but the
more you accept and love yourself, the easier it can get to allow others to
think whatever they want because the only opinion that matters when it comes to
you, is yours. If they do say anything, then they can take a hike!
Growing up, my Mum would always teach us about the phrase, "If you have
nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all". And if you
really think about it, what are those people trying to achieve by bringing
someone else down by passing their unwanted and unkind opinions? It doesn't
accomplish anything! It's unkind, not needed, and uncalled for. Just because
you may not agree with what the other person may be doing, or wearing, or something,
doesn't give you the right to one, say anything, or two, belittle them and make
them feel like shit about themselves when they're just being them! To anyone
who has been hurt by someone else's actions and opinions when you did nothing
wrong and were simply existing, I am so sorry! You didn't and never deserve to
be treated badly or made to feel small or bad about yourself because you are
more incredible then you know! 💜
I really wanted to create my own list and share the tips that I find useful
when it comes to improving your self love so here they are!
How To Start Loving Yourself More Tips:
1. Self Respect = don't be a dick to yourself! Cut yourself some slack,
allow yourself to just be and exist! Compare how you treat yourself to how you
treat others and adjust if need be!
2. Positive (Or Respectful) Affirmations = I know they can come across
cheesy but reminding and telling yourself that you're beautiful, amazing, and
worth it, or simply that you're doing okay, can really boost your self esteem
(it also doesn't have to be in the mirror, you can do it throughout your day, doing
your skincare or makeup, cooking, workout, walk to work etc.).
3. Be Mindful = spot negative self talk, notice it, replace it or simply
just disagree with it (E.g. "You're not good enough." Swap with,
"I am just being me and I think I'm good enough." Or "I notice
what was thought and I disagree.")
4. Create And Listen To A Positive Playlist = actually fill it with
songs you want to listen to and like, not what everyone else likes or is
listening to - it's for you!
5. Help You Like You Help Others = When doing monotonous things (chores,
showering, brushing your teeth etc.), if you find it difficult, imagine you're caring for your younger self, or a friend, or a future child (if that aligns
with what you want), you deserve the same love and compassion you would give
them, and they'd think you deserve it too!
6. Go For A Walk = For those of you who are able to go outside with
ease, go! Listen to that feel good playlist you made, meet up with a friend and
enjoy your connection, be present and enjoy your time whether it's alone or
with someone else!
No matter how much I rant and rave about it though, and no matter how many
motivational or positive pages, or influencers talk about it, self love can
only come from you, and you alone. I, your friends, family, your partners,
loved ones (even your pets!) etc. can tell you until we're blue in the face
that you are worthy of love and kindness given from yourself, no matter what!
And you are worthy of love, kindness, and compassion but you need to
believe it yourself! It's a lesson that's taken me a long time to learn (and
that I'm still working on) but now I know what it feels like to actually love
and care about myself, it's turned my life around for the better! And don't get
me wrong, I know it's not as simple as flipping a switch and, BOOM, you love
yourself, it can be a long, tiring, and bumpy road but it's a road that's worth
taking nonetheless. And hopefully, this post will help you to start loving and
caring for yourself because you need and deserve to have someone that has your
back, and sometimes that person has to be you! 💜
Like I'm always saying, life is tough but so are you! Love yourself because
you're so much more worthy and amazing than you give yourself credit for! And
if loving yourself is too much right now, then try accepting and respecting
yourself. You've got this. Protect, love, and care for yourself because let me
tell you, the times when I didn't care and show myself any love, it was easier
for me to feel like, "Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?"
Thank you so much for reading - all the best! 💜
Emily 🌌
Please feel free to comment, share, and follow me on my socials below! 💜🌌
FOLLOW ME ON:
Instagram: @heyuniverseblog
TikTok: @emilypardey
©️ Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?, 2023, all rights reserved.
Comments
Post a Comment