A Sprinkle Of Success 2.0

"Remember that the reason you're doing this is to make your life better." - Unknown 

A while back, I saw an Instagram post in my news feed talking about recovery from OCD and how, unlike what we think recovery is or is going to be, it happens little by little, you don't see the changes, the successes, and benefits straight away but with time, you do. And if you're sat there asking, "Why?" It's because with OCD recovery, it's not fast, and if I'm being brutally honest, sometimes you may see more pain and difficulty than you see the actual good results coming from what you're doing with your exposures. But, in time, you get to see in your life, in your day-to-day, and in your routines and structures the changes you're making. For example, if your OCD or your obsessions are surrounding the oven and whether you've actually turned it off before leaving the house for the day, you may check it 5 times but through exposures, you're gradually reducing that to 3 times which is still considered a lot, but it's still less than what you have been doing. And the anxiety that you're feeling with it, yes, it's still being felt but it's not as bad and difficult as it used to be. That's a big step and big movement in the right direction. You've just got to keep making those small steps. I know though, that when you're in that moment, it can be really disheartening because you're like, "Come on, I know what I want to be doing, I know I don't need to be doing these behaviours, I know I want to be done with this," but you still struggle. It sadly doesn't work that way. You just have to keep pushing and keep putting one foot in front of the other, there's no other way around it, no matter how much you and I both wish there was but it will be worth it in the end.

This Instagram post though, came at a really good time for me because I was starting to feel like I was stuck in rut with my OCD and my recovery. I was seeing but not really feeling the changes and progress I had been making. It was like I knew I was exposing myself to my anxieties and resisting doing the compulsions every day, but that satisfactory feeling of, "Ah ha! I'm doing better, I'm recovering, I'm doing and feeling good!" wasn't there. And I started getting worried and in my head about whether I was doing it right, whether I was actually getting better. Then I came across that image on Instagram explaining the reality of OCD recovery and I mentally took a step back and looked at the things I had actually accomplished and achieved. And I was right, there was so much I should be amazed and proud of myself for! Especially when considering that I'm doing it all without the help of a frequent therapist. I think I'm doing pretty damn amazing! I just have to remind myself that with OCD recovery, small steps lead to big places. 💜

So, 6 months ago, I uploaded a blog post called, "A Sprinkle Of Success" where I talked about my successes around that time when it came to exposing myself to my obsessions and OCD. I wanted to revisit showcasing the successes I've achieved in getting my life back from the bastard scientifically known as, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). 😂 I wanted to update that list, and you, on my latest successes, not only to remind myself that I'm kicking ass but to also spread some positivity and hope around for anyone who might need it, or anyone who's questioning their recovery and health, or simply as a reminder that recovery is possible and there is good happening out there, that there's a little bit of light and sunshine! 💜

So if you're excited to read a positive and uplifting post then carry on reading! 💜

1) Feeling like I'm becoming more independent: this is amazing and one of the main goals I wanted to achieve and a place I wanted to get back to in life. I've been doing more things for myself despite my OCD yelling at me for doing so. Going against that voice and starting to do more things for myself has really helped me in feeling more confident, not just in how I am, but also in how I approach things and my exposure tasks. I'm adding and doing more things for myself so I don't have to rely on anyone as much and it's making me feel a little bit more free from the cage OCD has kept me in. Go me! 💜

2) Actively doing exposures for the little things that arise throughout the day: for example, if I'm going about my business and the OCD tells me that I moved too fast past something it considers "dirty", I don't stop to think about whether it's right or not (because I know it's not), I keep on doing what I was doing and don't clean myself down, yes I feel anxious but I carry on. I feel like therapists and recovery plans for OCD, when doing the anxiety or exposure hierarchies, they don't really take into account the little things that come up during the day. I feel like all they plan with you is for the main, big obsessions that take up a lot more of your time, which is definitely one of the biggest things that needs to be helped with therapy but for me, the OCD also comes up for the little things that happen throughout the day that I can't plan and because I can't plan it, I never usually know what to do about them or how to go about challenging it so I don't give in to the OCD. I've been finding that, either like I just explained, by ignoring it, or at the very least trying to ignore it, or by carrying on with what I'm doing, or using the mentality that has been helping me recently (which I will talk about in a minute), has been really helpful in tackling those smaller issues that come up! Challenging these little obsessions that come up during the day has helped me feel stronger and stronger! I've been feeling more confident and good about my decisions and how I approach my exposures, I've been finding that one of the main keys to recovering from OCD is trusting yourself which is not the easiest thing to do for anyone and especially when you suffer from OCD, the "doubting disorder".

3) Doing things I enjoy again: Okay, so this is one of the big things that I've been able to succeed in doing, that has made me so incredibly happy and proud of myself because I longed to be able to do this again! I genuinely could cry thinking about the fact that I'm able to do this again! 💜 So, I've started doing things I haven't done in ages such as READING!! And oh my gosh, when I tell you how happy this has made me that I've started to be able to read again, there are no words to be able to explain it!! I'm filled with so much joy and happiness that I can actually get new books, and be able to hold them, to pick them up, get them out of my drawers and read them for hours on end - I'm so over the moon that I can do this again! I've already finished one book and I love it! I almost want to cry, in a way, because I haven't been able to do this in so long because of my OCD and now I'm able to do it again, I feel like I'm building more of "me" rather than just someone who suffers from OCD. I'm not going to lie, it has been difficult at times, there's still that niggling voice of the OCD in my head whilst I'm reading but I'm so overjoyed and happy that I'm reading again, I'm able to not pay it much attention and it's amazing! If you follow me on TikTok (and if you don't, you should do! It'll be tagged at the end of this post!), then you know that I'm currently reading, "The Book Eaters" by Sunyi Dean. It's a really great book and I've got one other new one to read as well. It's just been so amazing! So please, please, please keep at it if you're in recovery whether from OCD, Depression, or anything else because you can find joy again in life! Believe me, I struggled to believe that I'd get back to my reading and my passion for it because of my mental health but here I am! Reading and loving it despite the OCD!

Another thing that I've started to be able to do again is my skincare and actually be able to do it properly! I've been able to get back to doing it like I used to when I wasn't suffering so badly from the OCD. I'm not using gloves, I'm using little to no hand sanitizer and it's so great to be able to properly clean and care for my skin and face, and treat myself how I deserve to be treated after all of the horribleness me and my skin have been through with the OCD! I think my skin has been really thankful for it too! 😂 I felt like I was sitting alongside my younger self, doing our skincare together and it was so wholesome and healing. 💜 All of this has been making me feel so much happier, and I've found that because it's been boosting my mood and making me feel happier, it also helps give me a little bit more momentum in doing my exposures and challenging the OCD because of that extra serotonin going around in my head! 😂

4) Getting in good routines: Another amazing success for me recently has been putting in place routines that are helpful to me. Especially since I've been adding more things into my daily routines that's going against the OCD. For example, cleaning my skin in the morning and evening, brushing my teeth, etc. This has all been implemented into my routine so as to help me not feel overwhelmed with those extra tasks and exposures, and by sticking with it every day, no matter what else is happening that day or how I'm feeling, has really helped me. Having this routine has really helped me to feel more grounded and have more control again, taking it back from the OCD. I'm feeling more sure of myself and positive!

5) Changed and more helpful mindset:  I mentioned this change of mindset earlier on and it came about after an appointment a couple of months ago where the therapist kept asking me, whilst I was discussing what my OCD was about, "What's wrong with being dirty?"/ "Why does it matter?". At the time it didn't overly help and if I'm honest, I didn't really appreciate it because it felt like she wasn't listening to me. Even now it still feels a bit dismissive, but I kept thinking about what she said because I couldn't wrap my head around it and I started actually being able to use what she was saying in my exposures, not as a reasoning to not do my compulsions, but as a type of mindset that has been really helpful and a game-changer when it comes to challenging the OCD. How I use it is when I'm doing an exposure and I'm finding it pretty difficult and my anxiety is rising, I try and re-direct my thinking to questioning the problem itself in the fact that, "What's wrong if I am a bit dirty? You can't control everything and you can never be 100% clean, it's not going to hurt you, if anything it may even help build your immune system up!". This gives me more power to face and do my exposures and any other tasks that I do that the OCD decides to have an opinion on.

6) Feeling easier doing things: one of the more best and freeing feelings in my recovery has been noticing the ease with doing the things I've retaught my brain to do again. For example, with my reading, skincare, even getting changed and going about my life, the anxiety isn't as heightened and I feel more able and confident in completing exposure tasks and continuously doing them, as well as simply going about my day. All in all, I’ve noticed that there have been times I'm beginning to feel more human! Who would of thought that was something I would be able to start to feel?! 😱😂

I just need to remember to not run before I can walk just because things are going well and progressing, that doesn't mean I should push myself further than I need to or can because I'm getting caught up in the euphoria (or should I say serotonin) of completing exposures, being successful in them, and kicking OCD's ass!

I wanted to finish this off by saying that if you're reading this and you're struggling in life, whether that's with recovery from a mental illness, or you're going through a really hard time mentally, physically, or just generally, I don't want you to be reading this and thinking that you're failing, and that you're not good enough, that your successes and achievements don't matter. Don't compare yourself to me because I know, and I can be the same, when I see other people's successes and achievements, I feel disheartened sometimes because I’m comparing myself to them and I feel like I'm failing and falling behind because I'm not where I wanted to be or I where I expected to be at in life. So if you're reading this now, I want you to know that whatever you can do is amazing, if that's going to work, if that's going to therapy, if that's telling someone, "No", and setting yourself boundaries to maintain that peace within you, or even if it's just simply waking up to face another day, even if that day is spent in bed or on the sofa binge-watching your favourite TV series, you're doing an amazing job! There's no instructions for life and there's no way to get around it all, we all wish, well, I know I definitely do, that there was but there isn't. Whatever you can do is enough and I'm proud of you! 💜

If you had asked me in 2021/beginning of 2022 that I was going to be writing a blog, running an Instagram page for it, frequently being able to shower and brush my teeth, hug my Mum again, do my old skincare, and more importantly, be able to read again! I would've cried and not believed you! I didn't believe I could ever get there and be able to do these things again. But with a sprinkle of success (2.0), I'm here and I am doing so much better than I believed I could be with hopefully so much more good stuff to come! I just need to remind myself that no matter how small it seems, I'm actually making big changes despite what my OCD may tell me and my brain sometimes making me think, "Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?"

Please feel free to comment, share, and follow me on my socials below! 💜🌌

Thank you for reading - all the best! 💜

Emily 🌌

FOLLOW ME ON:
Instagram: @heyuniverseblog
TikTok: @emilypardey

©️ Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?, 2023, all rights reserved.