"Christmas magic is silent. You don't hear it - you feel it. You know it. You believe it." - Kevin Alan Milne
You didn't think
you were going to get through this time of year without a special Christmas
post from me did you? No? Good! Because I love Christmas! I love the cold, I
love the vibes, I love wrapping up warm with soft, fluffy blankets, Christmas
lights, drinking hot chocolate (even though I drink it all year round! 😂), the anticipation and excitement
for Christmas day . . . I love Christmas! 💜🎄
But despite all my love for this time of year, I've also been known to dread
and dislike Christmas time . . . Because even though it's the "best time
of year" or at least it's supposed to be, not only does it really
test me and my recovery, but it can also be even more draining because of my
mental health. When you suffer from a long-term mental illness like OCD, you
don't get time off, it doesn't ease or lighten up come Christmas, it doesn't just
go away, and damn it have I wished and hoped for it every time! 😂 When I was the most ill with my OCD
and everyone was getting excited and ready for Christmas and New Years, I was
dreading it but I felt like I couldn't say that so I didn’t ruin everyone’s mood.
During this time when I was struggling during the holidays, I never once
saw a post or quote or anything anywhere saying that it's okay to not be
okay at Christmas. Nothing helped with how I was feeling or helped to make me
feel less alone in that despite it being Christmas, I wasn't looking forward to
it because I was so ill. That's because no one really wants to talk about it.
Why talk about the most fun and festive time of year as well as the reality of
the holidays for someone who has OCD, or Autism, or ADHD, or Depression, or an
Eating Disorder etc.? That would be such a bummer, right? Wrong. If I had seen,
heard, or read someone saying that it's okay to be dreading Christmas because
of an illness, it would've made the world of difference. I only saw 1 post like
that and it was at the end of the year on TikTok, and don't get me wrong, as
soon as I saw it, I felt so seen and like I wasn't alone but it was at the end
of the season, and it was only 1 post . . . So I thought I'd write what I
needed back then for anyone else who may need it now. 💜
Believe or not, it's okay to dread Christmas. It's okay to not get as excited
as you used to for Christmas. It's okay to completely hate the holidays.
It's okay to feel however you want about Christmas because it's supposed to be
the season all about giving, so give yourself a break and allow yourself to
feel whatever it is you need to feel about this time of year and be able to get
through it. Love the holidays, hate them, unbothered about them, wish they went
on for longer, wish they didn’t go on for as long, it's okay. Don't listen to
those toxic positivity posts online or what other people say about how,
"You can't be sad at Christmas, it's the most ✨️magical✨️ time of year." Or "You're
just getting older." Or "Can't you just pretend and put a smile on
your face so you don't ruin everyone else's Christmas?". Don't listen to
them, you do you! 💜
I think what's difficult when it comes to this time of year with Christmas and
the holidays, especially if, like me, you suffer from a long-term health
condition, is that you're supposed to be in a good mood and celebrating but
it's overshadowed by the fact that you might not be doing or feeling good and
that you still have to deal with and manage your health condition. And if you
have to cancel or you're not as "with it" because that day is one of
those more difficult and bad days and you're not able to go and celebrate like
you normally would, there's that feeling of letting people down but I want you to
know that it's your holiday season too! Try not to let yourself feel bad for
having to say, "Can we slow things down?" "Can we take a
break?" "Can we do this another day or do the rest of the celebrating
later on?". I know what it's like, celebrating a birthday or a holiday but
feeling somewhat more weighed down because as well as the seasonal things,
activities, and stress happening, the OCD is still there in my head, with new
things to yell at me about. It's exhausting and draining and sometimes I need a
minute or two to myself. I want you to know that if you have to cancel or
rearrange plans because of your health or something, don't feel bad about it
and use it to berate yourself. If you're struggling to celebrate with the same
amount of energy as you would like to, it's okay, don't be so hard on yourself!
You're doing the best you can. You're completely okay to say that you can't do
something or have to rearrange or do something differently. It's okay to feel
what you feel - know that you and your health are what's important. If you need
to postpone, you need to postpone. If you need to go cold-turkey and go all in,
then you go cold-turkey and go all in. Listen to what you want because at the
end of the day, if it's something like your birthday, it's your day, or if it's
a holiday like Christmas, it's your holiday too and you don't have to be even
more exhausted at the end of it for the wrong reasons because you were trying
to keep up with what everyone was expecting you to do, be, and/or feel to
celebrate. I know how tough it is trying to balance the both of these things,
the fun of the holidays versus your mental health. You're supposed to feel joy
and have fun but then the stress of the expectations of what we should be doing
and feeling get mixed in with the stress that comes with your health, alongside
the extra stress of the holidays, plans, and things that need to be done and
ready by a certain time. It can be extremely difficult for someone without
a health condition let alone someone with one.
I've been open
and honest, sharing the hard, tough, and real experiences and times with OCD.
Now, imagine all of that pain on top of the hustle and bustle of Christmas and
the guilt felt by not feeling safe or like you're able to fully take part. It
can be really difficult and hard hitting, especially when you also have the
memories of previous Christmases where things were easier and you were better
and happier. Know that it's okay not to be okay at Christmas, you're not alone
in that, you're not alone in wishing that things could be better or easier.
Hold on, you've got this, you're going to get through it. Breathe and just be.
Enjoy this lovely holiday season however is best for you. 💜🎄
I want you to know that it's your holiday, enjoy it the way you would like to,
make sure you do things you enjoy doing. If you want to spend some time by
yourself in your room or sitting separately from everyone, do it. If you need
to have a moment in the bathroom to do some breathing exercises and to regulate
yourself, do it. If you need to leave, then do so. Having boundaries and
implementing them doesn't make you a bad person or difficult or a pain, you're
allowed to do what's best for you. Your wellbeing is more important! Don't feel
bad or guilty for having to do something different than usual or what's
expected of you, or for taking some time for yourself, you deserve a good
Christmas and holiday season! 💜☃️
If you're in a bad place mentally this year, that's okay. Don't beat yourself
up or make yourself feel bad for how you feel, I know you think that you may
"deserve it" but you don't! It's not going to make you feel any
better by making yourself feel worse that you can't feel how you want to feel
or are expected to feel at Christmas. It won't help or benefit you in any way,
be kind and patient with yourself. That's what will help and make you
feel better in the long run – be kind and look after yourself this Christmas! 💜
I also want this post to be a message for those who aren't looking forward to
Christmas, not because of (or just because of) health problems, but because of
family issues, financial difficulties, work problems, relationship struggles,
or maybe you're working this Christmas and you don't want to be. It's okay to
feel how and what you're feeling, give yourself space to feel what it is you're
feeling and allow yourself to keep going. Make sure you make time to rest
alongside celebrating the holidays when you can and don't feel bad for having
to rearrange plans to fit with your boundaries or schedule, it's not your
fault. Allow yourself to try and enjoy the holiday even if it's not necessarily
going as you planned or hoped. Enjoy yourself when you can, you deserve it! 💜
I wanted to come up with and share a list of things that help me and that I'll
be using and putting in place this Christmas to help me which you may find
helpful as well! And if you have any other helpful tips or tricks to deal with
the holiday stress please comment them below or DM me on Instagram (tagged
below!). 💜
Tips And Tricks To Manage Christmas Alongside Your Mental Health:
1) Mindset = This is such an important one! You need to make sure
your mindset is of that to help and care for you. To remember that you didn't
ask to be ill and/or to suffer from these conditions, they don't go away during
the festive season, and you deserve to be there and have your needs and
boundaries met.
2) Routines = Make sure you have your typical routines in place
and follow them to make sure everything can go smoothly and more easier. Or if
you don't have any routines already but think they'd be beneficial, put some in
place that you think will help. (E.g. the time you wake up, getting ready for
the day, when you're opening presents etc.) This can help you to feel more in
control.
3) Safe Space = See if you can have a safe space to go to, to
have some peace and help calm and ground yourself. This could be a room or your
bedroom if you're at home, corner of the room where you'll be sitting, the bathroom,
or wrapping up warm and going outside for some fresh air. It's okay to need
space.
4) Safe Person = If you can, ask someone you trust if they
wouldn't mind you coming to them to be by yourself with them, to talk to if
you're struggling, or even asking and allowing them to help you if you need it.
This person can also be yourself, treat yourself how you wish to be treated.
5) Reminders = Have any reminders (quotes, sayings, jokes, tips,
etc.) or affirmations that actually help you handy, to help ground yourself and
remind yourself if need be throughout the day and holiday season. Have them
saved in a folder on your phone so you can look back whenever you need too.
6) Take Time Out = Never underestimate the power to just hit
pause for a minute. Go for a walk, listen to your favourite song, read a
chapter (or two) of a book. You'll be okay. (Also refer back to the Safe Place
tip for more help.)
7) Helpful Techniques And Tools = Make sure you have these at
hand for and during the day/holiday season. They could be breathing exercises,
fidget toys, noise cancelling headphones, music playlist etc.
8) Self-Care(/Respect) = Make sure you're looking after yourself
and appreciating yourself this Christmas. Allowing yourself to have fun, to
take a break, eat, drink, get some fresh air. Love or, at the very least,
respect yourself this festive season!
9) Remember To Keep Breathing = in and out. You've got this!
10) Remember That It's Just One Day Of The Year = so enjoy it
and/or know that it won't last forever.
Who would believe that this blog has been going for a year on 1st January?!
It's insane! I've learnt and grown so much. I'm beyond proud and in love with
the fact that I'm writing and sharing it with you which is something that
younger Emily dreamt of doing, it's an incredible feeling! Thank you for
allowing me to create and have this space! 💜🌌
This post is also the last one of the year! How did that happen?! How did we
get through a year of posting, healing, and growth?! It flew by! There will be
a new blog post on the 1st January 2024 marking a new year AND
the 1 year anniversary of this blog! Whhhhaaatttt?! 😱 Is there anything you'd like to see
for this occasion or you'd like me to do? Let me know! Comment below or contact
me on my socials! Thank you for finding this blog, for reading it, and for
sticking with it and me. 💜
As we reach the end of the year, I'm looking towards the new year and the
potential it has, the growth, changes, hopes, and successes that it holds. I
want to go into the new year with hope and optimism but also realism, not
everything is going to go the way you want and that's okay, that's life. It
doesn't mean it's not going to be worthwhile! Let's do what we can and learn to
accept that sometimes it goes awry and that's okay! Life is tough, but so are
we! 💜
This time of year is always one where I find myself reflecting the most. On
everything that's happened, changed, improved, been left behind, those who are
sadly no longer here, childhood memories, everything. I have to say, no way did
Emily in December 2022 believe where she'd be and how much better she'd be and
be feeling in herself and in her recovery a year later! It's crazy the
difference that's been made! From last December, where I was struggling to
shower, brush my teeth, go outside, hug or even be near my Mum, using
twice as much soap as now, not being able to do as much for myself. To now,
where I can do all of these things as well as love and allow myself to
just be. To take up space and learning to not let myself be walked over,
as well as loving and caring for myself. I'm overwhelmingly proud and in awe of
myself of the change and growth I've made this year. And, of course, there's
still more to go! It's weird for me to think that this time 2 years ago, I was
worried, stressing, and crying over the possibility of having to spend
Christmas alone because of my OCD and now, I'm doing better, feeling more good
with and about myself and spending Christmas with my family with routines and
structures in place so that it's made easier for me and so I can take
part and enjoy the holiday! 💜
I can't believe I'm about to say this but . . . I'm actually looking forward to
next year! WHAT?! WHO SAID THAT?! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! 😱 I know, I know, I don't believe it
myself! 😂 For the first time, I'd have to
say, in my whole life, I'm genuinely looking forward to the new year. Who
would've thought? I'm excited (and still somewhat scared) to see what it holds
and where I'll be next year and I hope you'll be there too, reading along
still! 💜 Oooh that got mushy really quick! 😉😂 I know it's not always going to be
great and smooth sailing, and I'm probably going to look back and want to scowl
at myself for saying that I'm excited for the new year at one point or another
in the future but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it! 😂
I know everyone says it and that everyone then says, "it's true," but
trust me, if I can get out of that horrible and dark place
that I was in, if I can recover and start to get my life back, so can you. You
can make the changes you need too to feel better, to get better, to live a life
that you want and are happy with. Keep going, keep trying, you can do it and
you've always got this blog to come back to as a safe space and safety net for
when you feel scared, anxious, or alone because you're not - I'm here for you. 💜
All in all, I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a
peaceful and Happy New Year! Thank you so much for reading and following this
blog throughout the year (I can't believe on 1st January this blog will be 1
years old! 😱). Thank you for your support, for listening to me, and for
allowing me to create a space for myself to make connections and to feel safer
whilst I get my life back. Look after yourselves and others, know that you're
enough and you're allowed to take up space. I'll see you in the new year! 💜
Remember, it's okay to not be okay this Christmas. Have a good holiday and end
of the year season, make sure you treat yourself kindly and give yourself some
love and compassion to finish the year on a good note. I hope you have a great
Christmas and find joy in it however and wherever you can, even if it's when it
ends! 😂 Don't let this difficult time of
year make you feel like, "Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?"
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 💜🎄☃️🥂🎉
Please feel free to comment, share, and follow me on my socials below! 💜🌌
Also! Don't forget that over on my Instagram I've been sharing
realistic and positive Festive Reminders every day for the countdown to
Christmas! Make sure you head on over, give them a read, like, comment, and
share if you feel like it and follow along for the rest of them! 💜🎄☃️
Thank you so much for reading - all the best! 💜
Emily 🌌
FOLLOW ME ON:
Instagram: @heyuniverseblog
TikTok: @emilypardey
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