"May today be one of those days, when you remind yourself that all along, you have been strong." - Mandy Antoniacci
Dear Me (Or anyone else who needs to hear this),
I know that things aren't what you want them to be and that you’re not where you may want to be, that things sometimes feel generally horrible and like you're stuck like you can't move but I want you to know that you are doing better than you think and feel. You've got this and are more capable than you know, however, I know you forget or don't feel like this sometimes so I wanted you to know and remember a few things . . . 💜
Firstly, you’ve got this. You’re going to be okay. I know it feels like there are a lot of things going on and happening, both good and bad but you’ve got this and you can handle it all. If I could tell you that it’s all going to be worth it in the end, I would but what I can tell you for certain is that I know that one way or another, everything is all going to work out the way it’s supposed to and work itself out in the way that’s best for you. You may not know everything and have all the answers but you have yourself and you are someone that you can trust, rely on, and be grateful for. I know that there have been times when you’ve not felt that way about yourself like that person wasn’t good enough, they let you down, they failed, they’re weird, they’re different, they’re broken, they weren’t what you wanted and yet even after all this time and pain they’re still here, you’re still here, you’re still here for you. You are more amazing and worthy than you give yourself credit for - you need to know and believe in yourself, your strength, and the power that you have within you. I know that sounds very elusive and eccentric but you need to give yourself more credit for everything you do and have done, everything you’ve made it through despite the obstacles that were in your way. You’re here and you’re amazing!
I know that things can feel difficult and weird but that's okay, it's okay to admit that and feel down because of it. It's human, you're human, and it's healthy to feel like this at times and to acknowledge it. Just remember that this isn't permanent, nothing is and it will change and start to feel better with time, care, and patience. Just keep going one day at a time or at least one breath at a time, you've got this! I believe in you, and I care about you. You may feel lonely but you're not alone. You're not as alone as you think and feel, there’s always someone in your corner rooting for you and who cares about you, even if that person is only yourself (and you need to be in your own corner, you deserve love especially if it comes from you!). Right now, you're focusing on yourself, making yourself better, and improving yourself which is necessary and important to do. When the time is right, you will find your people and fill your life with more joy and happiness than you can imagine, you just need to get there and you will. Believe and continue to stand by yourself.
Everything may seem up in the air and stagnant at the moment and that nothing you do is working and amounting to anything but you’ve got to keep going. You’ve got to keep putting in the work and believe that it’s working out for you one way or another. There’s so much you can do to help and make things happen but sometimes the best thing you can do is to let it be and allow things to happen the way they will. Know that you’ve done and tried your best and recognise that you can’t control everything, no matter how much or hard you try and fight to force everything to be the way you may want it to be. That’s not how things work, that’s not life. And that’s alright. Nothing will ever seem enough if you keep trying to force things and control things too much. It’s like the quote says, " “Diamonds are forged under pressure.” And bread dough rises when you let it rest. We’re all our own things. What’s motivating to you may be crippling to others.” - Victor Francis (@ Linaowinmo on Twitter). I know you believe that if you control things and try your best to maintain “order” with everything around you that it'll eventually pay off and you and everything will be fine and as it should be but you can’t go through your life doing that and living that way, all you’re doing is using your energy and time on things that don’t need your attention. You’re going to be okay, you’re safe and you’re going to continue to be okay and safe. Keep fighting and putting in the work but make sure that the effort and work are also being put into yourself, you’re doing so well and much better than you know or realise in loving yourself, looking after yourself, and treating yourself, that (and you) are so worth it!
You need to keep reminding yourself that you are talented and you have talent, probably more than you even realise right now - you've got it. There is so much that you can do, so much you can see, create, and achieve, you have all the power and capability within you! Work on trying not to push it aside and telling yourself that you’ll get to it “soon” or “in a minute”. Because I know you feel scared that time is moving away from you and life and everyone is leaving you behind but that’s not the case, you have time and you’re not alone in how you feel. More people than not probably feel the way that you do, that they’ve been “left behind”, that they don’t know what they’re doing or where they’re going in life, and that they’re running out of time. But they, and you, are wrong. There is so much time left for you, you are still so young, no matter what your brain tells you or how much your body creaks and aches! 😂 You will figure it out. It doesn’t matter how old you are, that’s only a limit put on you by yourself and your insecurities as well as how society has taught you to think and feel but guess what? You are not what your brain makes you think! These beliefs change and have changed from years before and they probably will again. Life is not moving and running away from you. You have the time and ability to do anything you want to do, and I know that deep down, you know that too.
You need to know that nothing is wrong with you! And not just accept and believe it on the surface level but deep inside too. It doesn’t matter the differences that you have and that you’re not able to do some things like others can, you are your own person! You have your own set of talents, skills, and capabilities and that also means that you have your own set of limits, areas in which you may want to improve, and things that you aren’t able to do, and that in itself is amazing! It makes you up as your own unique individual person that can and can’t do what others also can or can’t do and that’s mind-blowingly incredible! Think about it, there’s not a single person on this planet or in this universe that is like you! There may be people who have similarities to you but they’re not you, they’re not your special, distinct self - how crazy is that?! Even the bits that you may not like about yourself are individual to you, even if someone shares the same insecurities, how they interpret themselves and their traits and talents is completely different from how and what you think about them both within yourself and others! What you may not like about yourself is something that you do like and love in others, or your friends and family. You need to stop being so harsh on yourself and critiquing yourself at every turn and decision - it’s more detrimental than helpful. You’re so much more special and amazing than you want to see in yourself, but you are and you can do anything you set your mind to, including learning to respect and love yourself which reminds me . . .
You need to continue to love, care, and look after yourself because you deserve that compassion no matter if you’re having a good or bad day. Treating and being at one and at peace with yourself is a necessity for feeling good and healthy. You need to look after and love yourself because at the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got and that is beautiful and enough if you allow yourself to see and believe in it. I know in the past you didn’t care about yourself or believe in the importance and value of looking after yourself and appreciating yourself for everything you do, are, have been through, and may go through but now that you’re beginning to, it’s beautiful and makes you so much stronger than you could’ve thought possible. Feeling some sense of ease, peace, and comfort in your own skin and body is something that I wish more people may experience one day and even though you have more ways and growth that you want to make, the love, care, and compassion that you already feel for yourself is amazing and is something that your younger self wouldn’t have believed in or thought possible but here you are. Go you, you’ve got this!
Keep fighting. I'm holding your hand, you are holding your own hand always. You're holding your hand for yourself now as well as your younger and adolescent self. Love, care, and if you can/want to, put them to rest. Love all versions of yourself like your future self does looking back on you now. I know you sometimes worry if it's all pointless if life is going to turn out the way that you want it to and are putting in the effort to make it into and it will but you've just got to keep going. Keep putting one foot in front of the other because you're not always going to see results straight away but continue to keep believing that things are working in your favour and that it's all going well, you've got this! I know that’s something that I'm continuously repeating but you need to know and believe it, you have got this because I know there are so many days now and have been in the past where you didn't feel like you did but you do. Grow from that and look back and realise that you did have it, you've always had it. It doesn't matter if no one believes or previously believed in you, you are so much more powerful, stronger, and braver than you know or think. You have to believe in yourself when or if there isn't anyone else. You're all you've got at the end of the day and that is enough, you are more than enough.
I know you want to stop having to fight so hard every day, to just let what happens, happen but know that every time you continue to get up and fight, you're taking back your power and gaining more confidence within you to be able to keep going. Rest, yes, but know you can and will come back better and stronger, belief and hope are everything. Keep having hope, and keep holding onto it because on the bad days, the dark days, and the days where you don't think it or the pain will end, hope is what will carry you through. I know it can be scary to put your faith in something that you can't see or hold or even fully understand at times but a little bit of hope is better than nothing. Having hope is what keeps the darkness and bad stuff at bay, it's your way of holding your ground and lighting your flame of resistance in not backing down and surrendering the fight. Because you have the fight, you are the fight. Even on the days when you don't feel it and just feel a bit like nothing, especially on those days, you have and are the fight and you're amazing, just hold your ground.
In the end, you are doing better than you think. You are okay and are going to continue to be okay. There are a lot of things going on and happening, both good and bad but you’re 100% capable and able to handle it all because there is so much strength within you. It’s all going to be worth it because you are worth it. Keep fighting, keep holding on, keep loving and caring for yourself. You are you and that’s enough. Even if you may still think, “Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?”, you’re still here and that’s got to mean something.
All the best, and all my love. 💜
Me (Emily) 🌌
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