"Courage is being yourself every day in a world that tells you to be someone else." - Christina Lauren
To all my fellow neurodivergent peeps: keep on being you, keep on being your
amazing, authentic self because you deserve to live a life where you feel
comfortable and are safe. Make sure you treat yourself with kindness and love,
no matter what because life can kick you down but you need to have your own
back! 💜
In honour of this important celebratory month, I didn't know what to write for
this blog post, I've been sitting on this topic, going back and forth on
whether I should write something, what I write, and what do I say because
Autism is something that's still very new and vulnerable to me (if that makes
sense?). I didn't even know if there was anything for me to write about
Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month because I'm still processing and figuring
things out for myself . . . But then I thought, "Maybe I'm not
alone?" Maybe there are other people out there trying to or are
still trying to navigate their journey, their life, their diagnosis with
Autism, like me . . . So I thought I'd sit and write and see what came from it!
😂
So here we go, I was late diagnosed with Autism as an adult, at 22 years old.
It's actually a funny story, I went in for OCD therapy and came out with an
Autism diagnosis! 😂
And since that initial diagnosis I have been reflecting, learning,
understanding, and trying to navigate life with this knowledge because for 22
years, I thought I was something else, that I was neurotypical, or how my Mum
and I like to joke about it, that I was just "quirky". 😂 I didn't know
that there were reasonings and explanations for things I did, behaviours I
expressed, and who I was. Even 2 (coming up 3) years later, this is still so
new to me. I'm sometimes nervous talking about it because of the uncharted
territory this feels like, even though, technically, nothing is different, I'm
not different, I've just had a door opened for me on what's actually going on
underneath.
I didn't know whether I should write about this for a blog post because with
OCD, I'm comfortable and okay with talking about it, the illness, how it works,
treatment, the effect and impact it's had on me etc. I'm confident in talking
about it because it's been non-stop and at the forefront of my life for years
now, but Autism (despite that technically I've always been Autistic, I just
didn't know it), is still a relatively new concept for me, so talking about it,
I feel very vulnerable because I'm still learning. But I wanted to talk about
it because, well, it's like they always say, sometimes the first step is just
opening up and accepting something as it is. Saying you're here, you're who you
are. So this is me . . . My name is Emily and I'm Autistic, and I'm learning
that's okay, that I'm okay.
I'm learning acceptance for who I am and what I suffer with and it's nowhere
near easy! What you think you know, what you thought you knew, what you think
is happening, the idea in your head by how things are supposed to be, it's so
noisy trying to swim through those things and sit with this concept that
explains why you do what you do, or why you react or behave a certain way, or
why you can't do things that others can. I always used to think that I wasn't
good at handling and going through life, that I couldn't manage things that
everyone else seemed to be able to handle, I thought that I was a failure, that
there was something wrong with me. But there wasn't, despite the fact that I
was Autistic, everyone has different capabilities, different strengths,
different skills, different attributes, different shortcomings, and we don't
know what or how everyone else is actually doing or handling things unless they
open up and honestly express it themselves. We're all different, and that's
okay (cheesy, I know 😂).
When I was growing up, the big message that media and role models were showing
and trying to express and represent was to embrace your differences. I mean I
was a High School Musical girlie through and through when I was a kid
(and let's be honest, I still am - "Once a Wildcat, always a
Wildcat." Am I right? 😉😂),
and the entire first movie was about embracing your differences, your
eccentricities, what makes you, you. The sporty guy liked musical theatre,
the nerdy girl was a brilliant singer etc. etc., I rewatch those movies now and
I'm thinking, "Really?!! People were so upset and peeved that
Troy wanted to sing but is also the basketball team's captain?! Like, that's
actually that life changing of news for them, it affected them that
much?!" But when I was a kid (and like the movie shows and explains),
if you didn't fit into the "mould" people expected of you then you're
even more of an "outcast" than the actual stereotypical
"outcast" clique. That I could relate too. I was a fat, nerdy,
short, hair in a plait wearing girl but I was also a confident, outspoken,
Drama student - a fat female nerd, confident to perform in front of others?
That wasn't exactly fitting into other people's perceptions and stereotypes
they had of me but I learned not to care. And now, as a 24 year old adult who
is Autistic, I'm once again learning to embrace, understand, and accept this
new "difference" that I have (or am, should I say?).
But why does that make me "different"? I'm not different, I'm still
Emily, I'm still a nerdy bookworm, who's confident and outspoken, I just have a
wider and better understanding of who I am and how I work. What makes me
"different", makes me, me. And yeah, don't get me wrong there
are days and times when it really hurts to be Autistic, to be the way I am, but
at the end of the day, me being Autistic won't change. I will always (and
always have been) Autistic. I could completely hate, berate, and suppress who I
am but what's the good in that? Continuously hating something isn't going to
make it change. Continuously putting yourself down isn't going to help you or
boost your self esteem and confidence. It would be as pointless as someone
hating that they have a certain colour of eyes, or that they're left handed or
something, it's not going to change and those "differences" aren't
something to be ashamed or self critical of. I'm going to be with me my whole
life, I am the one constant that's going to be there for the entirety of it so
why not learn about this newly discovered part of me? Why not embrace
this difference? Why not embrace me?
So why not embrace you? Because you're worth learning about yourself and
knowing how to love and care for yourself in a way that you need. 💜
And I mean, what is "different"?! Some neurotypicals look at
us neurodivergents and think that we're "different"! Why?! Because we
process information in a unique or unfamiliar way? Because we express ourselves
in a way that you don't think or see as "typical"? Or because we, as
a community, are trying our best to learn to embrace and accept ourselves for
how and who we are and to let other neurodivergent individuals know that
they're not small, insignificant, weird people, that they are valid, seen, and
beautifully unique, and that they should love and express themselves however
they want to! Or is it because that we go against what you think is
"normal"?! Because you don't like the idea of someone rocking the
boat but guess what? The boat was made by individualistic people who see things
differently, where instead of seeing random tools and materials, they see a way
to make progress and advance their understanding, knowledge, and lives which
may contrast how you see and do things? But there isn't necessarily one "right
way" to do things. There's no "right way" to be. As long as
you're safe (and those around you are) and happy, then that's what counts.
Autistic and other neurodivergent people are only seen as "different"
because of the comparison of the "expected" standard of behaviour and
living that's seen by the majority of society, which largely consists of
neurotypicals, compared to how other people behave and are. But who cares? As
long as you're safe, not hurting or a danger to yourself or others, who can say
what the norm is?! Just because what we're used to expecting and seeing people
to be a certain way doesn't make that "way" the "right
way". It's okay to be different, to experience information and process it
differently, to move your body and have a mannerism/s that helps you feel more
comfortable and at ease in your own body and life. No one deserves to be judged
for who they are and especially for what's out of their control because we're
all human at the end of the day and as much as we have differences, we also
share similarities. We want to be seen, heard, loved, appreciated, to be safe
and comfortable as we are. It's so beautiful to be able to see a group of
different individuals exist and live freely and without judgement or fear
together, to simply just be. Next time you're out in public, whether
you're on public transport, sitting in traffic, walking the street, or watching
the world go by, notice the other people around you and the differences you all
have and the potential similarities you may share. No matter how they're
dressed, what they look like, who they're with, how they express themselves,
what they're doing, simply see, notice, and appreciate the beauty that is in
humanity. No matter if you're Autistic, or have ADHD, or if you suffer from mental
health problems, or chronic, or physical health problems, whether you're
confident, quiet, busy, calm, stressed, loud, you are beautiful and incredible
as you are! 💜
These "differences" that we have and experience, it isn't just about
the things we suffer from and/or struggle with, it's also about the differences
in other areas of our lives. Whether you weigh more than others, or you're
shorter than the rest, or are taller than those around you. Whether you're
loud, quiet, know what you want to do with your life, or you're still figuring
it out, whether you're healing from things, your differences not only make you,
you but they also don't have to define you if you don't want them too.
Yes, they can be used to explain and describe yourself but that doesn't have to
be the be all and end all of who you are and what makes you, you. You
get to decide who you are and how you want to be seen!
We're also so scared and anxious about our differences that we struggle to
embrace not only each other but also ourselves because we may not be how we
think we're supposed to be or expected to be. How are we able to embrace others
if we can't even embrace ourselves for our differences, our quirks, our
eccentricities, or even our health, and neurological wiring. It's so
complicated because sometimes it's easier to accept others for being who they
are yet we can't do that for ourselves. We expect more, or higher, or different
for ourselves but why? Who do we have to impress? No one's opinions matter more
than ours do for ourselves. The fact that you have differences doesn't make you
different in a sense that you're unlovable or not worth the time or energy, or
compassion. You're different in terms of that you're unique and individual, and
those individual things like your likes, dislikes, hobbies, health conditions,
make up you (or a part of who you are) but you're not different in the sense of
being odd or weird because what is different? What is weird? And also, who
cares? You deserve to be you as you are, like I deserve to be me as I am! So
please, embrace yourself, embrace your differences, love yourself, be you. 💜 (And hey, if you
are weird or odd, at least you're interesting to talk to and get to know! 🤷♀️😂)
So yes, I'm still processing my Autism diagnosis, I'm still learning to embrace
what makes me "different". I will get there because as cheesy and
stereotypical as it sounds, it's okay to be different. And to any other
Autistic or neurodivergent people out there who are still coming to terms with
their diagnosis, it's okay to be Autistic. It's okay to have ADHD. It's okay to
be "different" from the norm set forward by neurotypical or other
people. It's not easy, I know, but I'm with you and I support you in your low
times and your high times because you deserve to be you, you deserve to express
yourself freely, you deserve to live and exist as you are.
Embrace different! Feel yourself. Let yourself be. Learn yourself. Love
yourself. I'm learning to accept myself, and I'm also accepting
that I need to learn about myself and that's okay. What others think makes me
"different" is simply who I am. Hating yourself and letting fear and
anxiety dictate how you live and treat yourself is only going to continue to
make you feel like, "Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?"
Thank you so much for reading! 💜
Please feel free to comment, share, and follow me on my socials below! 💜🌌
All the best! 💜
Emily 🌌
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TikTok: @emily_heyuniverse
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Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?, 2024, all rights reserved.
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