"Souls don't know age, race, or color. Souls only know feelings, connections, love." - Melody Lee
You know that phrase that goes, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that's why we call it the present."? The original quote is from Bill Keane and I don't know about you, but I know it best from the movie Kung Fu Panda! 😂 When they say that "today is a gift" I think, well, yeah, but it's not just "a gift", it, like tomorrow, is also a mystery. Not just because we don't know what the day holds for us when we wake up because it's technically still wrapped (which is both a blessing and a curse 😂). But also because how many of us can actually say that we're focused on that present moment or the present moment, should I say? We never really open "the gift" of the present or at least we don't fully appreciate or know what's inside because we're so focused on the next thing, the mystery of tomorrow's gift. We're never actually as fully aware of the present moment like the quote suggests. From worrying about the future, overthinking and analysing the past, even going into our own dreamworld's and fantasies. Don't get me wrong though, when that present gift is a wrapped up pile of depression, anxiety, stress, and health problems, day in and day out, yeah, I'd rather be in my own dreamworld than the present moment too!
The thing that I've found over the past 5 years since suffering and dealing with severe OCD is that to stay tethered and present in our lives, we need connections. Connections to other people, our friends, family, coworkers, pets, even society (no matter how off it may seem at times 😂). And also a connection to ourselves. When struggling with the worst of my OCD, I didn't have any connections to anything or anyone, just the disorder and as you can imagine, it not only gets depressing, but you also lose awareness of yourself, your present moment, even reality it feels like. When all you're thinking about and consumed by every day is the constant bombardment of pain, anxiety, and depression, the nothingness and the everythingness of it all, it's easy and also, sadly, somewhat preferable, to lose sense of reality when the bad stuff is all you know.
However, recently, I've really noticed just how far from that disconnected person I've become which is something I never thought possible and am so happy and grateful to have become (and also, anxious about). I've made some big steps in my recovery and have had some great successes that are continuing to add fuel to the fire inside me to keep fighting and keep on going in my recovery. I've recently been able to meet up with an old friend for lunch which was amazing and freeing to be able to do, scary, yes, but worth it. Side note of another success that intertwines with this one: it did take me the following day to recuperate and get back on my feet but amazingly enough, what I found different about it this time, was that instead of falling into that cycle of thinking, "Why am I not feeling good today?" "There's nothing wrong with you right now, you should be doing more!", I made sure that I knew beforehand that the day or so after the lunch out, I would feel more sluggish and slow because of the outing. What with the anxiety felt beforehand and whilst I was out, the cleaning and the stress when I got back, the sensory information I was processing throughout everything as well as the natural tiredness of being out and about and social! When the following day arrived, and I was, as expected, feeling more withdrawn and within myself, I knew that it was because my body and brain were recuperating and readjusting from the day before. So I gave and allowed myself the time, space, and freedom to feel what I needed to feel and to actually allow myself to be more sluggish, it was perfectly okay. Nothing is wrong with me, I'm not worse of a person because of it and I didn't berate myself because of it - I'm me, with my own limits and conditions, as well as with my own strengths and capabilities. 💜
The lunch out really helped with my mood and what I realised was that, not only was it good to actually get outside, meet up with an old friend, and get some fresh air but I also felt a sense of connection. I was being seen and talking to someone else beside my Mum and, more often than not, myself. 😂 The rest of the day, I spent thinking about that feeling and the idea of connecting with others and the need for it. I know I talked before about that experience during one of the first few times I was able to leave my flat years ago where I shared a joke with a stranger in a grocery shop which made me smile and laugh the rest of that day. And I remember it, even now, because for so long, I wasn't able to talk, to connect, with others but that small, simple interaction, that social connection, made me feel a bit better. You hear people talking about the importance of socialising a lot when discussing mental health and low moods and such, "You need to reach out and talk to others." "When you're in a bad spot, go for a walk outside, arrange to meet up with friends," and so on but when I actually sat down and thought about it, you know what I realised . . . ? They may actually be on to something! Who knew?! 😂
Connections are what helps us stay sane, it's what helps us stay human. It makes up who we are and where we go as well as where we're from. I know people say that humans are social animals, but even just knowing and having those connections with others whether it's online or in person, knowing that there's someone out there who cares or even just knows you, whether they're family, a friend, a pet or anyone really can be helpful and amazing. You don't end up feeling so lost when you've got that connection to keep you tethered to your life and surroundings. I read a post on Instagram ages ago talking about connections in life and I saved it because I wanted to write about it because it resonated with me so much! Make sure you check it out on my Instagram (which is tagged below) because I'll be sharing it on my story after this is posted! The post really resonated with me so hopefully you'll enjoy it too! 💜
People put so much importance on having connections with other people and, yes, it is incredibly important but it's not the only way to feel a connection. The connections you make and feel when you do an activity that you love, or a connection you feel to your favourite movie, your favourite music artist, your favourite quote even! It makes you feel safe, it gives you a feeling of comfort, and appreciation for the original creator. Connections aren't always just towards people. 💜
Not only does it help to have connections with others to help stay present in life but also having a connection with yourself is important. Knowing and believing that you have your own back and that you care and want what's best for yourself is so rewarding and beneficial to have. And I know it's not easy, trust me! I've only just felt like I've made and am continually sustaining that self connection with myself. And when I realised that I do actually care for myself and feel connected to myself, I felt really free and happy! Which I know sounds pretty eccentric but it has been an amazing feeling to have. Even when my brain and life feel like they're telling me otherwise, I know I'm not really alone as they make me feel and I do have a connection to others, as well as love and compassion. Oof who turned me into some sappy person?! 😂 But seriously though, I never thought that I would care and love myself as I do now! In the past, I spent many years hating and feeling disappointed in myself but recently, since doing more things that I enjoy, I feel more human, more independent, and also by doing things that I know are right in my recovery, I'm connecting with myself even more, as well as my life and present moment.
During those times when I felt like I had nobody, my connections were still there, even when they didn't cross my mind. If we feel like we haven't, or even if we honestly haven't, got anyone, the connections from our pasts are something that we still also have. It doesn't matter how far in the past they were, those connections are still there and can be felt today and they did/do exist. They were real, they're appreciated and deserve to be felt and are a part of us.
I feel like sometimes we focus so much on the negative connections to our past (and I can be guilty of this too!), our trauma, our insecurities, pain, and difficulties, that we lose sight, not just on the present moment, but also our present selves, our strengths and capabilities. Those are the self connections that are most important. Without ourselves, we are nothing. Remember, you're more capable than you give yourself credit for! 💜
Having these connections with not only myself but my Mum, my family, my friends, my favourite movies, TV shows, songs, reading, this blog, TikTok and such makes me feel more appreciation for others around me, as well as their patience, love, and help whilst I recover and get my life back from OCD. It helps me by learning and trying to keep myself in the present with how I'm feeling at that time and what I want to do in terms of the decisions I make each day and in my recovery. I feel so much gratitude for those around me, and for myself, when I reflect on these connections that I realise I have. They provide me with a sort of comfort blanket that I'm never as alone as I feel I am or my brain makes me think.
Why does having connections make us feel more present? I think that it's because it makes us more aware of ourselves, how we're feeling, and where we are in ourselves and our lives. There's also an added impact to it that if the connection is linked to something from the past, your childhood, or a lost loved one, there's a feeling of nostalgia in it, a feeling of comfort and a sort of love, that aids in that reflection on your current place in life.
Connections and staying present are important but sadly they're not always easy to come by for some people. Telling someone to "go out for a walk", or "meet up with friends" is not always applicable to everyone! Some people, like me, struggle to leave their home to go outside, no matter how much they want to and know that it would help! Some people may not be able to physically leave without help, some may not even have people to meet up with, and that's okay to say! You're not alone in saying that! The typical list of ways to feel present to make connections in life isn't always applicable to all so I wanted to come up with my own, hopefully realistic, ways to do so!
Ways To Feel/Make Connections To Others And Yourself:
1) Do things that you actually enjoy! Don't read that book because you feel like you have to or because it's been on your "To Be Read" pile for ages but because you actually want to read it, same goes for your watch lists on Netflix or Disney+ etc. Watch what peaks your interest and that you will actually enjoy, who cares if you've watched it hundreds of times before?!
2) Reach out to friends and family, even talk to your pets or talk to yourself (and be kind! 😂). Knowing that there are people in your life that you can connect with can help you feel less alone and more present.
3) Do a self check-in, are you actually OK? What's not OK? What do you need and would like to do better and get sorted? If that's something like chores or showering then try and make a start at it, if it's doing the opposite and lying in bed or sitting on the sofa all day, reading, watching movies, resting, then do it! You're connecting more with yourself by listening to what you want.
4) Listen to music! You can just sit there, or stand there, you can dance, sway, or even create your own unique interpretive dance to it! 😂 Feel and enjoy the music, the lyrics, and be present! Connect with it.
5) Journal your thoughts or feelings. I'm always saying this but it doesn't have to be coherent! Simply writing, "Today was s**t!" is helpful as long as it's out of your head is what's key! Connecting with your emotions and what you're going through is helpful in being present, not only in the moment, but how best to help and care for yourself.
6) If you're able to go outside then go! Go for a walk, listen to some music or if you're the brave kind, go for a walk with no music and be aware of your thoughts. Meet up with friends, whether to the cinema, for a walk, or for coffee, catch up and have fun! If you're not able to, arrange a video call with them, organise a virtual coffee date, or a catch up session over the phone. Make those social connections in any way you can! 💜
I used to be in a pit with nothing but my OCD and my own brain and thoughts to keep me company, I did nothing but serve as a robot for the OCD (and even though it still feels like it now at times, I know I'm getting better and that I will get better). Reaching out to people, my friends, my Mum, you reading this and following along, helps me feel more connected to reality and to not feel so alone. So thank you for that connection! 💜
This world is big and can be pretty scary at times and we don't always know what's going on or why it's going on, but sometimes we just need to hold onto the present moment/s and those connections we have to those we love and care about (including ourselves). To help remind ourselves that we are here and we are loved. That's what helps us feel more at ease with everything and we feel a little bit less like, "Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?"
Thank you for reading - all the best! 💜
Emily 🌌
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