"Rest is not idle, not wasteful. Sometimes rest is the most productive thing you can do for your body and soul." - Erica Layue
Since I last spoke to you, my Mum so lovingly gave me her cold continuing to teach me that sharing is caring even at 23! And let me tell you there's nothing more funny than hearing your Mum having a coughing fit in one room, and you're having a sneezing fit in the other room! (My God, what a healthy flat we had! 😂) So I did feel too ill and lacked the energy to write but it did give me time to think and process how far I've come with my mental health and well-being (when I actually had enough energy to do so that is! 😂)
I've come a long way with the way I treat and look after myself (both when I’m feeling unwell and not), and so much has changed from when I was a teenager and hated everything, including myself! When I got ill when I was younger, I never allowed myself to take time off school, I made myself go in no matter how bad I felt because I didn't want to fall behind and have to catch up on everything I missed and upon reflection, I lacked the care and compassion for myself to allow me to take the time to care for myself and get better. This has changed so much now and this time, I actually allowed myself to be ill and take the time to look after myself and get better instead of forcing myself to keep going! I didn't talk badly about myself and make myself feel worse because I wasn't feeling well and when I struggled to do my compulsions and routines, instead of berating myself, I sympathised and treated myself kindly. I reminded myself that my finding my compulsions even more difficult and long-winded than normal is okay, it's not because everything is against me, and it's not because I'm useless, my recovery thus far wasn't for "nothing", I was ill, I needed to get better, I needed kindness and patience, not hate and force. After I finished my normal routine and compulsions, I rested, I didn't force myself to do what I couldn't and even if I thought I could, I decided to take the time to fully get better and look after myself. It was needed and it helped! 💜
When you suffer from a mental disability like OCD and you become ill with something like a cold, it can take a real toll on your mental health and make life even more difficult because not only are you exhausted from surviving and fighting a mental illness but now you've also got the problems and symptoms of this other illness to drain your battery as well. So even though I was resting and looking after myself when it came to my cold, my OCD was still in full effect therefore not allowing me to be able to fully take the time that I would've liked to rest! It can be difficult to treat yourself kindly when something else gets in the way of your daily routine and activities that need to be done. You feel even more tired, exasperated, and down - it's understandable and it's okay to feel like that and allow yourself to feel that way! 💜
One of the only pros of suffering from severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is that since it makes it difficult for me to leave my flat, I don't get ill that often! However, this was the one rare time when my Mum brought back a cold with her from work that surprisingly got passed to me which led to the topic of this week's blog post. What do you do when you've got two illnesses? How do you look after yourself, get yourself better, but also continue to do what's right for your recovery even when you feel unwell? Here's my list of tips and reminders for when you're ill and also have a long-term illness or disability!
Take Time Off: It's okay to take the time to rest and look after yourself, you can't do everything, especially if your energy level is even more depleted! That's why I didn't force myself to write a blog entry for last week because if I did, I would've been pushing myself too far, making myself feel even worse, and the standard and quality of my writing would've been impaired and I didn't want to post something that I wasn't fully happy with! Also, if this was the case, it would make me feel twice as bad for not being able to write something that I was completely happy with! So no, I took time to rest and look after myself!
When we were younger, we were forced to follow this idea that you had to keep going and not allow yourself to take time off when you were ill. We were forced and guilt-tripped into going to school with the fear that if we didn't we'd get in trouble, we’d fall behind in our lessons and our grades would suffer because of it, and that our parents would get in serious trouble if we didn't go in no matter how ill we felt (and then they wonder why the whole school came down with illnesses and no one was coming in! 😂).
Now I know saying "take time off" is a very privileged thing to be able to say and do because everyone's circumstances are different, those who can't afford to take time off work because of bills, personal obligations, groceries, rent, etc., so do what's best and applicable for you. If you can, adapt these strategies to your needs and lifestyle, even just taking 10 minutes to yourself before going to bed can help you soothe yourself enough to get some much-needed and more restful sleep. Remember, if you're also battling a mental illness, that doesn't allow you to take time off to be ill so suffering through both is even more exhausting - sleep, rest, and recuperate. 💜
Allow Yourself To Feel Ill: One of the things that we all like to do and know we're guilty of is believing that we can do it all and handle everything all at once. Take a break? Have a rest? We don't know her! Doesn't matter if we're ill, if we're healthy, missing limbs, if it's raining, or sunny, if we have kids hanging onto our extremities, we can do it all! But guess what? It's okay to admit that you're not feeling well, It's okay to admit that you need a break! It's okay to say, "you know what, I need a nap!" You're ill! It's completely alright (it's also okay to take a nap even if you're not ill but I digress! 😂). Taking the time to allow yourself to feel what you feel can make so much difference, allowing yourself to slow down and replenish your strength can make dealing with both a mental and physical illness a little bit easier! The more you push yourself the more it's going to come springing back and knock you off your feet until you feel worse than you did before. Allow yourself to feel ill, allow yourself to feel weak, you'll be better off and stronger for it because you're not forcing yourself to be "fine" and you can notice and allow yourself to pick up on the signals and messages that your body is sending you. Your responsibilities and problems are still going to be there in a few days or whenever you start to feel better.
Ask For Help: Okay, this one is pretty self-explanatory but I don't care, I'm going to talk about it! 😂 Ask! For! Help! If! You! Need! It! There's no shame in asking for help, there's nothing wrong with asking someone to help remind you to take your paracetamol or ask someone to help you by buying some throat sweets (having a sore throat is my biggest hatred when I get a cold, give me a runny nose over a sore throat any time! 😂). You've got enough going on with your brain making you feel ill and when you’re also feeling under the weather, you don't need to strain yourself more than you have to, if you have someone there that's able to help, ask. I'm sure they'd feel grateful that you trust them and want their help and that they won't mind helping you. And if you don't have anyone, help yourself! Don't strain and over-exert though! Ensure that all the things that you'll need throughout the day are in your vicinity, therefore, you can create a nice cocoon of necessary items around you to help you out! Set timers and reminders on your phone throughout the day for when you need to take your next load of medicine, or when you need to take your next throat sweet, and if you're like me and don't like having so many discarded items around you, set intervals throughout the day where you get up and clean your immediate area and refresh your supplies (drinks, snacks, tissues, hand sanitizer, etc.) not only does it keep your area clean but it also allows you to stretch your legs and potentially feel more human. Or if you don't have the energy to get up and do that, just throw your rubbish and unneeded items to the other side of your bed/room/sofa or wherever you are and put your back to it and don’t look back! Out of sight, out of mind. Either way, it's out of your way! 😂
Remember To Take Your Regular Meds: Alongside taking any medicine or sweets to feel better from your cold/physical illness, don't forget to ensure that you're taking any of your regular medication/s that you need for your mental health. Check with the directions on the medications to see if they work safely together as some mental health medications don't work safely with paracetamol-type medicine (if you're not sure, check on Google or ask a Doctor or professional). Luckily, mine worked alongside one another alright (as far as I know, I mean it was either going to kill or cure my OCD! 😂), for my reassurance though, I did leave an hour in between taking my anxiety medication and my paracetamol just to be on the safe side!
Also, if you forget to take your regular medication, make a note of needing to take them (and when) for the next day if it's too late to take them once you've realised that you've forgotten them. And don't beat yourself up for forgetting! Your mind is even more foggy and lagging than usual and that's okay, it's not your fault that you're ill! 💜
Treat Yourself Kindly: I know throughout this list I talk about treating yourself kindly when you're both ill and suffering from a mental illness a lot but it's so important and it's something that I didn't learn until recently in life. We're human and we're allowed to fall ill, it doesn't make us weak and it doesn't make us a burden. Whilst I was ill, I still had to do my compulsions whilst getting ready in the morning so not only was my mental illness in full effect, I felt so unwell with my cold and finding it difficult to do everything that I would feel more drained and tired after completing my routine. In the past, had this happened, I would've gone straight to calling myself out and berating myself for not being able to handle it all, for having to stop and let myself calm down and catch my breath before continuing with my routine, I would be a "failure", I was "weak and not strong enough", I would tell myself that I should be able to just get on and do everything no matter if I was ill or not. I wouldn't allow myself to feel sorry for myself for being ill and also suffering from OCD, I would feel like I had to just "get on with it". Now though, I allowed myself to pause and take as many breaks as I needed to get through what I have no control over, I continued to do my exposures and challenge my OCD if and whenever I could but I also knew when to just take a step back and let it be what it be. I reminded myself that, yes I was feeling more weak and like I wasn't doing much throughout the day besides my everyday routine but I was having to exert more energy into completing the tasks that I normally do every day because I had a cold so I needed to recuperate even more afterward. It was okay that all I did was make it through the tough cycle of compulsions in the morning. I didn't ask to suffer from a mental illness just like I didn't ask to become ill with a cold. 💜
Don't Run Before You Can Walk: When you start to feel better, don't mistake that noticeable energy increase to mean that you can get straight back into the swing of things like you normally do. Your mind and body are probably still sensitive from being ill and going too hard with catching up on work, emails, chores, etc. are not going to help you in the long run. You're going to run out of that energy fast, and then, if you're like me, you start to feel bad about yourself because you think you're a failure that you can't do what you set out to do, it's okay if you can't! You're human, you're coming back from being unwell, and you're still juggling a mental illness that demands a lot from you - you've got this, just take it easy and ease yourself back into things!
Also, if you suffer from a long-term disability or illness then that can have the potential to flare up and be more noticeable now you've got more energy so take it easy when going about your day. Do what you can, when you can, at your own pace. As I mentioned in a previous post when talking about the best way to treat OCD, meet yourself halfway! Meet your disability halfway when it comes to getting yourself back to normal after being ill, shower, and clean the immediate area you've been festering in when ill (😂). Getting better after being ill and recovering from a disability can make life a bit more difficult to navigate, how much do you keep pushing yourself? Do you take time off altogether? Once again, meet yourself halfway, continue as per usual with recovery but know it's okay to readjust and only complete and do some of the work that's needed. It's okay to take the time you need to feel better before pushing yourself further through recovery.
It's taken me a long time to put two and two together when it comes to managing feeling ill and living with a mental disability and I'm still learning. I'm just grateful that I'm not where I used to be, I can give myself love, I can give myself patience, I can give myself compassion no matter how I'm feeling. I hope you know that you can too - you deserve to feel good. It takes time and trial and error but it's worth it. No matter how I'm feeling, whether it's positive, confident, cheerful, or ill, drained, and tired, I do sometimes wonder, "Hey Universe, Did You Forget About Me?
Thank you for reading - all the best! 💜
Emily 🌌
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